Help for Tired and Stressed Moms

Over the last month, several states have gone to distance learning, forcing moms to become teachers. Whether they’ve signed up to teach or not, moms are finding the trials of homeschooling. This has led to struggles between parent and child, and frustration with teachers. I’ve heard several times how moms wish the teacher would give less work. These are coming from well-meaning moms. How can we lower the stress levels and help all parties in this time of learning at home?

Communicate

Communication is a two way street, so make sure you’re listening as well as expressing your thoughts.

With your Child

Your child has gone through an abrupt change as well, so you’ll want to communicate with them. It’s like suddenly your child has a substitute teacher that they’ve known outside of school, but the person has suddenly stepped into the classroom. This can be confusing. What can they expect?

Communicate expectations

These are very important. All teachers start the year off with rules and expectations. Be sure you are explicit in what your expectations are. When will your child have to work? How much work will they have to do? When students know this information, they’re more willing to work with you.

Communicate schedules

This is an area that homeschoolers often lord over public or private school students. They can do their work whenever they want. Use this to your advantage. If your child isn’t an early riser, why fight it? Set a schedule based on what they like. Just make sure it gets done. Over the last three weeks of distance learning, I’ve received notifications of students submitting work at 1 am on a school day and 10 am on Sunday! Does it really matter when it gets done as long as it gets done?

Communicate discipline

Part of your expectations should be your rules. What will or will you not allow? In all intents and purposes this should be no different from your regular day to day. For teachers they say have no more than three rules and make them positive regulations. In my classroom, my three non-negotiables are: be respectful, be responsible, and show effort. Notice I didn’t say don’t be mean. Instead, I said be respectful–positive.

But wait, how am I to get my kid to do his work if I don’t have negatives? Glad you asked. Honestly, I’m so glad my youngest was pronounced graduated as this all went down. I’d be in your shoes struggling to get him to work, but I’d buckle down and figure out what it would take. Here are some things I’d do.

1. Use rewards

Remember the years when you potty trained? You used stickers. Believe it or not, kids love stickers. “But I can’t get them now.” Okay, create a chart. Teachers do this all the time. How often do you create a to-do list and check things off? Same idea. When your child finishes out two or three (depending on age) assignments, they get to mark off a box. When five boxes are marked off, they get a treat. You choose, but better yet, ask them. What do they think are treats and motivations for getting work done?

2. Set consequences

As I’ve posted elsewhere the Peace Chart could be modified to fit now. What things are you willing to take away if work isn’t done? I always had go to your room as the ultimate punishment on my peace chart because I didn’t want the kids to be cooped up. Remember consequences are only as good as you enforcing them.

3. Use Classcraft

Okay, this might not work, but check it out. I believe Classcraft is giving out free subscriptions to schools affected by closure. You’re now a school. Set up a teacher account and give your child a student account. They can choose to be a mage, warrior, or healer. Use the quests feature and put in the assignments your child needs to complete. There’s a fun story that goes with it and they gain XP and GP (set up by you with the click of a button), or you can dock HP for misbehaving. I have high school students who beg to play Classcraft. This is how I know students were doing work at 1 am and on a Sunday morning!

With your child’s teacher

In this time even more so than normal, open up communication channels with your child’s teacher. They’ll appreciate it. Explain what you have available–wifi, crayons, etc.–as well as what your schedule is like. Find out what they expect. Be open and honest.

Give Grace

Grace is unmerited favor. It’s a bestowing of understanding in tough circumstances. These times are trying. None of us have been here before.

To yourself

Yes, realize that you can’t do everything. You may not have been taught how to teach. That’s okay. You only have so many hours in a day. Use them wisely but don’t push yourself to the limit. It’s okay not to know how to do math, or what a gerund is. Remember you have some helpers–google is amazing to help you figure out what something is so you can explain it to your child. Khan Academy is a wonderful resource for explaining everything from math to science and health.

To your child

Your kid’s been accustomed to getting out of the house and seeing their friends daily. For most students this is the number one reason for going to school–social interaction. If your child’s one of those who thrives away from the home, they’ll be struggling now. How are they having an opportunity to shine away from siblings? Others may respond in a positive way because the negative socialization (bullying, etc) will not be there. Use this time to extend grace to them as well.

To your child’s teacher

Let me explain…no let me sum up. In the middle of March, teachers wondered how they were going to explain their subject(s) to 30+ students face to face. Then suddenly they were given a two week spring break. Yippee! Until they returned via zoom meetings and were told to teach your child via distance learning with no guidelines in place. Well, if they were in Oregon, they had a vague guideline that first day back. They wrapped their brains around it and went to bed satisfied they had it under control. Then the state decided to change their guidance at 9 pm! This has happened repeatedly! As our principal complained, “I didn’t sign up to be a principal of an online school.” Our superintendent pointed out that no teacher in brick and mortar schools signed up for that, yet here we are.

Be understanding. They’re trying their best. Some of them may never have used the technology they’re being asked to use, and there’s no training for them. They have to grin and bare it. Elementary teachers are being asked to compile packets for students to do at home. They’re having to give enough to keep the eager student busy and not too much to overwhelm the struggling or unmotivated ones. Where’s the balance?

Give grace. We all need it in these trying times. Be understanding to yourself, your child, and your child’s teacher.

Relax

Yep, it’s okay. This semester isn’t going to break your child. It could be the best thing that happened to you both! Enjoy time at home. Think of those fun things you wanted to do but haven’t had the chance to, and do them!

Play games–we’ve been playing Crazy Uno, Liars Dice, Settlers of Catan, and even Munchkin. Watch movies. My youngest pulled out The Fellowship of the Ring and asked to watch it with dinner one night. Do you know how long the extended version is? I’d forgotten. Needless to say, it was a long night. The next day, he opened up Two Towers and brought back memories of him as a little guy holding the remote and fast-forwarding through any scene with Shelob.

Build a fort, have a picnic in the living room, see who can create the best Lego design. Don’t forget you as well. Take a bath, read a book, spend some time on you as mom. It’ll help immensely.

Have Fun

Yes, even in these times you can have fun. Depending on where you live, you can go for a walk, find some trails and hike. Even in your day to day, plan fun times. Students love it when teachers give them a party. Plan a party, even if it’s a favorite meal.

Last Sunday, our family went out to the local lake. (The one that inspired Myrtle Lake that’s featured in An Unexpected Escapade). We were going to go for a hike on the beach. That little hike turned into eight miles round-trip! I’m glad we had lunch with us.