So, how do you say thanks to the person who has devoted so much of her life to you? Really it’s easy. It helps though if you know what love language speaks. Language? Yep, there are five of them:

1. Acts of Service
2. Words of Affirmation
3. Physical Touch
4. Quality Time
5. Receiving Gifts

If you don’t know which is yours, or your mom’s you can take the test. Usually a person has one or two that are dominant. However, it’s possible to have all of them as well. The language can change over the years. I used to crave physical touch–a hug, a handshake, a pat on the back–but now acts of service go a long way.

How can you show love for each of these languages? Let’s explore each one separately.

1. Acts of Service

Since this is my predominant love language, I can speak to it easily. If your mom’s language is acts of service, then she’s looking for you to fold laundry, wash dishes, sweep the floor, or clean the bathroom. Yep, it’s that simple. Do something for her that she would normally have to do, and you’ll make her day.

The folding laundry has always been our downfall. Around eighteen years ago, we had just purchased our first home and were trying to make it ours. My husband put together a little corner couch to read on. However, our four-year-old daughter looked quizzically at the contraption. “Why do we need two couches?” Before anyone could reply, she answered her own question. “Oh, one to sit on and one for laundry!” Yep, please come fold laundry for me.

2. Words of Affirmation

Growing up, my dad worked the swing shift and then went off to school for 7:00 am classes. I didn’t get to see him often, but before going to bed each night, I’d pull out a spiral-bound notebook and sit at his desk and write to him about my day. For years, he kept those journals, because to him, written words mean a lot.

If your mom speaks this love language, then a card is the perfect gift for her. Now, make sure you have your own words added to it. Better yet, make it from scratch and give it to her. She’ll cherish it for years to come. I still have a card my daughter made me for Mother’s Day six years ago.

3. Physical Touch

You would think this would be an easy language to speak, but in reality it can be very difficult for some people.  There are some cultures that do not express love in this way. I’m not talking about sexual touch. This is the gentle pat on the back, hug, or holding of a hand to say “I’m here for you, and I love you.”

Hugs are also good for you physcially. According to mindbodygreen.com:

There is a saying by Virginia Satir, a respected family therapist, “We need four hugs a day for survival. We need eight hugs a day for maintenance. We need twelve hugs a day for growth.”

4. Quality Time

Early on, I knew my oldest son’s love language. From the time he was just a few weeks old, he’d cry if he wasn’t in the same room as me. He was fine as long as I was in the room, but the moment I tried to leave, he’d fuss. As he grew, he wanted us to do things with him, watch a movie, play a game, spend time.

If your mom speaks quality time, then you’ll want to take her some place and do something with her. Maybe a picnic in the park, a walk along the shore, a horseback ride, a bike ride, or a trip to the mall. All of these are ideas of quality time.

This afternoon I was able to sit and chat with my mom and dad. My husband sat on the swing with Mom and we discussed our future. It’s a moment in time I’ll cherish.

5. Receiving Gifts

This is the love language most people think of for Mother’s Day–get Mom a gift. However, for those whose love language is gift giving, this is valid. My youngest son speaks gifts. I didn’t realize that his asking, “Did you get something for me?” Was really saying, “Did you think of me while you were gone?” It dawned on me that this was so, after he returned from Washington, D. C. with a handpicked, thoughtful gift for each and everyone of the family.

What kind of gift does Mom want? Hm, that depends on your mom. For me, it’d be something with essential oils, a book, or art supplies. Another great gift would be an updated Microsoft Word. Now, that’s just me. You’ll need to know your mom to make the gift meaningful.

So what are you sending to your mom? Is your mom no longer around? Find a lady who has spoken into your life and honor her. There’s always someone who you can find to shower with love. Don’t let your sorrow ruin the day. Use it to fill someone else’s day with love, and you’ll be surprised how much better the day will go for you as well.

My mom was and still is a stay at home mom. She was proud to work at homemaking. She willingly created a safe and secure home environment. For that I am very thankful. When needed, she worked to help with the family income, but she always found a way to do it from home. She used her skill with and love of children and opened our home into a daycare. Her example and love of homemaking was passed on to my sister and me. Early on, the Barbie dolls disappeared from the house. They were replaced with baby dolls. Each Christmas I looked forward to see what new doll would be waiting under the tree. One year we received handmade doll clothes that Mom had worked over for hours on end. Another year, my grandpa made a cradle for my dolls and grandma and great-grandma made the blankets, mattress, pillow, and pillowcase to go with it. In this way, the teaching of being a mom was passed on. When I became a mom, I loved the time spent with my kids. I know it came from Mom’s example.

As a stay at home mom, Mom worked at keeping the house clean despite the kids roaming the house. Many a day, I heard her singing as she worked. She embodied the Snow White and the Seven Dwarves’ song “Whistle While You Work”. One song in particular became the dish washing song. To this day when we sing it in church, I see Mom standing at the sink singing. She passed on an attitude of song while you work helps pass the time and makes the chore less of a chore.

Mom loves kids. Growing up, she and her mom would work together to have Good News Clubs in their home. As I was growing up, Mom was Sunday School teacher, youth group leader, and Wednesday night kids’ club teacher at various times in my teen years. When I turned sixteen, she had me help her with the Wednesday night kids’ club. She showed me how to teach the memory verse. To this day, when I work with kids, the strategies that she taught me in 1986 still come into play. When in 1987 a man looked at me and said, “To be a missionary here, you need to be either a nurse or a teacher”, Mom’s guidance whispered in my mind and I said, “I’ll be a teacher.” That has been my profession other than mother for eleven years. Mom lead me to study Elementary Education in college. From there, I gained my high school endorsement for teaching Spanish, my junior high endorsement for Spanish, my K-12 for teaching English as a Second Language, and my Masters of Education. It all started in a basement of a church in rural Northeastern Washington state with Mom asking me to help her lead the kids’ club.

Finally, and foremost, Mom shared with me her faith. That faith has kept me on an even keel through thick and thin. Through rough times and good times. She shared what she had learned from her parents about how God loved the world so very much that He gave His one and only Son. She shared with me how people do what goes against God’s way and how we have turned to our own devices. This keeps us from a perfect God–one who can’t abide any imperfection. Yet, He loved us so very much that He sent His son. I can’t imagine giving any one of my sons to take the punishment of someone else’s kid. Yet, that’s what God did. Jesus took our punishment for going our own way! God now looks at us and sees Jesus. I like to think of it as the scene in Fox and Hound where the hunter looks through the sights of his rifle at Todd the fox and Copper the dog steps in the way. That is exactly how we are with God. My mom shared this faith with me, and I am trying to pass it on to my own kids.

So, a legacy has been passed down to each one of us. We can take a look at that legacy and see is it a good one or a bad one. We can pick and choose from it what we want to hand on to the next generation. It is the circle of life. What legacy will you pass on?

Renewal of vows: Me with my parents