But the real issue is how to go about it and still have friends at the end. It’s a matter of either holding our tongue and then creating a false sense that life is ‘normal’ without problems or speaking and creating a haven where people feel comfortable around you. 

There are eight pointers for speaking out on hard topics.

Don’t Glorify It

If we focus on the issue and make it seem as if it’s the good, then we’ve not done anyone any favors. It’s what makes much of modern fantasy dark.

Don’t Pull the Problem Out of Perspective

Perspective matters. If you focus on the problem then there can be no hope left. Instead, acknowledge the issue but then show the way through. When we make the problem the focus, then we forget a way out.

Show Hope

This is very similar to #2. Shine the light! There is a way out.

Focus on the People Not the Problem

I’d say this is what Rebecca P. Minor did in her newest book, The Rending Cauldron. The characters were the main focus not their terrible situations that they were in (slavery, sexual assault.) So, when you’re talking about tough issues, remember there are real people going through it. Love them!

Love Those Who’ve Been There

When we talk about tough issues, there are people who’ve been there. Honor their struggle by loving them and not minimizing their experiences. 

Don’t Forget There Are Consequences

This often gets overlooked. We say you can just move forward, but there are consequences for what happens. Those who’ve been through trauma will have to live with that memory. Those who’ve walked a hard path due to their own decisions will need to heal and then still have consequences.

This is where we come in as Hopebringers. We walk with them through life together with whatever those consequences may be. Let them know they deserve a “Happily Ever After” even if there are daily reminders of what has happened.

Talk About the Issues

As I started with, it’s easy to remain silent. But when we start talking about death, suicide, human trafficking, abuse, assault, and many more, we allow others to acknowledge that they’ve been there. It helps them not feel alone. (Remember the “Me, too” movement?)

The same reviewer that said Kristjan’s Rise is more than a book, also said that it reminded her of a time in her life when she’d gone through something similar.

Don’t Gloss Over It

And lastly, don’t gloss over the issues. This is what was done when I was growing up. By not speaking of things, it made them taboo. But glossing over them does the same. It minimizes what someone has experienced.

May you have the courage to speak up about things others avoid. May you shine love, light, and hope into people’s lives this week.

• Settlers of Catan
• Ticket to Ride
• Arkham Horror: the card game
• Magic the Gathering
• Thanos Rising

You may wonder how in the world all of these games could be similar. Well, leave it to a gaming mom to figure out how to make one game that incorporates elements from all five of these games.

Gather Resources

Just like in Settlers of Catan, gather resources to build homes. You’ll need 10 homes for the 4-player game.

Draw from choices

Just like in Ticket to Ride, choose two cards from either face up or face down. Use your cards to build your homes.

Play Unique Characters

You may choose:

• Jorvar who gets to go first, swaps an event card with someone else, or in the last week chooses one player who doesn’t have to draw an event card.
• Arnor who can use 1 lichen and 1 water in exchange for 1 malachite, and can disregard one cave-in per round.
• Bergmund who can roll a dice and get ice rat, snow fox, lizard, or shkatad, and can draw one additional ice rat.
• Iuun who can clear the face up resources into the discard pile, drawing one from those instead of drawing her two resources. She can also choose to place her cards that are discarded from a calamity either in the discard pile or face down on the draw pile.

Just like in Arkham Horror: the card game you choose which player at the outset of the game, and then role-play or not as you see fit.

Lore Quotes

Just like in Magic the Gathering, each card has a quote from Kristjan’s Rise, the story that connects to the game premise.

Event Cards

Each round, draw event cards that make the game progressively harder like in Thanos Rising. And as the game progresses, you’ll shuffle in even more catastrophe events.

Drawing from elements my family loves to play, I created a game based off the origin story for Kristjan’s Rise. You’re trying to get the scientists through the first month after The Impact. 

Race against the clock, help each other, and have fun.

Kickstarter Details

The game is live on Kickstarter. The funds go to commission the rest of the art needed for the 4 more resource cards, the 6 more character cards, and the rest of the event cards.

Besides the game, you can get the t-shirt, a custom playmat, and a custom snow fox plushie!

But remember, the Kickstarter is only live until February 19, 2026! Unlike the books that’ve been on Kickstarter, this one needs the extra help to get the art. It won’t be available until maybe much later. Can we get it to fund?

But there are other dragons in our lives. One in particular controls our time. If we’re not careful, it’ll commandeer our minutes and hours until we wonder what we did with our day!

This dragon loves to use camouflage. It disguises itself as social media, games, books, and even family. Do you see how this is a tricky dragon? It poses as good things!  

Even while writing this, the dragon attacked, and I discovered lost time in the void of social media.

To slay this dragon–yes, this is one that must die; there’s no saving it–you must be super conscientious about your choices. Don’t go on auto-pilot. Instead, be intentional in all you do. 

It may also help to remember the jar, rocks, and sand illustration from last week. 

May you be successful in fighting the dragon of time.

Sound familiar? 

What if I told you there’s a way to not be exhausted and berating yourself?

Time has a way of controlling us, but we need to control it. Easier said than done; I know. Been there. Done that. Got the t-shirt.

Object Lesson

One of the ways we explain to kids about time is with a jar, various sized rocks, and sand. The teacher’s already made sure that all of it can fit in the jar. Then the instructor tells the kids to put it all in the jar. 

Inevitably the students can’t get it all in. They start with the sand and then work their way up. After the time’s up, the teacher explains by doing.

We empty the jar out again. Then we pick up the largest rock and set it in the jar, then the next largest, working our way down to being able to pour in the sand and allow it to fill in the gaps.

We then explain that the jar is our day or the 24 hours given to us. The rocks and sand are the things we could do with our day. By starting with what’s important, and then filling in with the least important, we can actually be content at the end of the day.

In Real Life

This played itself out last week. I normally schedule my blogs and newsletters over the weekend, using my freer time to write, but as I’d mentioned before, my youngest son got married last weekend. And I forgot about a writing publicly altogether until Tuesday (when my newsletter usually goes out).

I placed my biggest rock in the jar–family, wedding, extended family–and let the other things fill in–school, writing, getting Bonded Crowns ready for the Kickstarter. Although the email to you didn’t get written, I wasn’t stressed out about it.

What About You?

As you go about your busy week, think of your priorities. Schedule those in first, and then fill in with the non-essentials. Each week that might change. Like this week–I’m back to writing you.

Let the stress ebb away as you intentionally focus on what’s important.

My husband loves to tell the story of what happened January of 2021. He and my daughter went to a park known for its waterfalls.

The problem was that Little Miss’s mom was 8 1/2 months pregnant. So, she wasn’t wanting to do a ton of walking but was interested in getting some maternity images at the park. 

Well, she was given the map, and that’s where things went wrong. They were trying to get back to the car but not having any success. Finally, my husband asked someone they passed, who directed them back to the bridge that my daughter had vehemently denied was the right way. 

Have you ever had that problem? 

Not able to read a map? Or you thought you were going the right way, only to discover it was the opposite of what you needed?

In our walk of life, we need a map as well. We need someone to guide and direct us. In fantasy, that person is called the sage. Often it’s a wise wizard–Gandalf in Lord of the Rings. Or it can be an ordinary person who knows more about life–Professor Greenbloom in The Dragon Rider or Professor Dumbledor in Harry Potter.

The question is: is your sage leading you correctly? If not, you might want to hand the map off to someone who can actually understand it and guide you where you need to go.

Our middle son loved water. Every time he saw it, he’d say “pu-ddle”, separating the word so that it sounded like two, and then he’d run toward the puddle! We’d have to drag him away.

Little Miss is no different. She loves puddles as well. In fact, in her daily walks with Papa Eck’ick, she knows where the puddles are and, if she has her boots on, she’s allowed to splash through them.

When summer came around, she disappointedly looked up at Papa and said, “Puddle gone.”

During Realm Makers this year, Allen Arnold taught on the seven-headed story beast. Seven creatures that will distract us in our walk. One of those was the siren. The siren looks beautiful and tries to woo us away from our walk, but what caught my attention was that sometimes what the siren uses can be good.

With his class, he gave us stickers and tattoos to remind us of the creature. The photo above is about two weeks after Realm Makers. I’d put the siren on my wrist to remind me to keep God first even above the shiny ‘pu-ddles’, but now as it’s even more degraded, it’s a reminder that something that can be good–see what it was like when I first received it? (the dragon is the example, and we’ll discuss him in another post)–can turn toxic if it’s placed above God. 

What are your ‘pu-ddles’ that distract you from your walk?

One of the things that happened, especially early on, was they’d barely get out the door, and she’d say, “Up!”

Papa Eck’ick would shake his head and reply, “It’s a walk–not a carry.”

As I think of life as a walk, there are times where I’m like Little Miss. I don’t think I can keep going. I ask ‘Up!’ and am told, “It’s a walk–not a carry.”

This week, as you walk through life, remember, sometimes you’re stronger than you think you are. Keep trudging along. Soon you’ll arrive at the coffee shop where you can get a hot chocolate, or at the market where friends will give you hugs.

Why me?
Why them?
They’re my best friend, such a wonderful person. They don’t deserve that!

In the midst of tragedy it’s easy to feel overwhelmed and dismayed. Even to blame God. Afterall, he allowed this to happen!

Previous Conclusions to Bad Things

More theological minds than mine have delved into this question and come up with answers. Most of them conclude with set ideas about God.

1. God is all-powerful (omnipotent) and has allowed this to happen. Therefore, he must be a mean God.

2. God is kind and loving and yet these bad things happened. Therefore, he must be a weak God.

Both of these conclusions, lead believers to despair and to turn away from God, for who would want to worship a mean God or a weak God? Not me!

A Trite Reply

Have you ever been through a terrible time and a loving friend says “Romans 8:28, you know.” Or maybe they phrased it like this, “Remember all things work together for good.”

You’re neck deep in tears and struggling to even breathe, and they say that? What good is it?

It doesn’t take into consideration your pain, your struggle. Let alone the fact that your faith may be at its weakest. You may be fumbling to grasp the concept that God is good, that he even loves you! And they say all things work together for good?

It’s about like the scene in The Princess Bride where Miracle Max says, “While you’re at it, why don’t you give me a nice paper cut and pour lemon juice on it?”

A Better Conclusion for Bad Things

While your friend probably wasn’t trying to be trite, what they said was true, they just didn’t dig deeper. The answer to why bad things happen to good people is found in the verse following Romans 8:28.

That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.

God knew what he was doing from the very beginning. He decided from the outset to shape the lives of those who love him along the same lines as the life of his Son.

Romas 8:28-29 MSG

Did you catch the why to our trials and sufferings? To make us into the image of his son! Every single bad thing that happens to me is there to make me more like Jesus!

If you have time, I encourage you to read the full passage from the Message Bible.

Bad Things, Good People, and Resolved

Poor Siobhan. She’s a princess who’s locked into an arranged marriage–one that was arranged without her even knowing! Besides that she’s abducted–not once but twice! This leaves her with PTSD, a husband who knows nothing of statecraft, and then she becomes a mother while her PTSD has been triggered.

If that wasn’t enough, her husband thinks she’s better off without her, leaving her to rule a nation and raise a daughter. At least he left his Captain of the Royal Guard for her.

As her heart heals, she finds she may be able to love again, but war looms over her nation–again her fears haunt her. An evil mage attacks her, and she heads out to battle.

Didn’t she have enough trouble? Why would I put her through all that?

As a discovery author I could say that the story wrote itself, but in reality, my subconscious decided to pen out a treatise on why bad things happen to good people in novel form. I didn’t set out to do so, but that’s what happened.

As you struggle through life’s trials, I hope this will help you. It’s not meant in a trite way. In fact, I’ve been there really questioning whether or not God was good. It was Frank Peretti’s words from Realm Makers 2021 that kept me going. I can still see him on stage as he said:

We’re God’s sheep. He’s the good shepherd. We see his back and his staff and follow him. Rarely does he turn around and say, “Sheep, this is where we’re going, because….” But when he does, listen up! No matter what, follow the staff.

We follow believing that he is good! Just like Aslan, he’s not a tame lion, but he’s good.

Mairead’s Longing for a Father

“Momma, who’s my father?”

Siobhan sucked in air as if a bandage had been ripped from a wound. Even after eight synods, the question hurt.

“’Tis a story for another step, Inene.”

The girl’s expressive eyes clouded over. “Ana says he was someone very special. Is that true?”

“Aye, ‘tis true.”

“Then why won’t you tell me?”

With a sigh Siobhan place a finger on Mairead’s nose. “Remember how you ask for a story before going to bed each step?”

Mairead nodded, her dark braids bouncing.

“And remember what ‘twas like when Rydian told you a story that was too scary and you had bad dreams?”

Again, the braids bobbed. “Is the story of my father scary?” Her eyes widened.

“Let’s just say there are aspects of it that you’re not quite ready for at eight synods.”

“When I’m at nine?” Siobhan stood with a smile. “Mayhap.”

Girls and Fathers in School

Last year particularly, I saw the need for fathers in the lives of girl teens. There was one in particular who sought attention–often to her own detriment. As I got to know her, I learned that she didn’t have a good dad in her life. In fact, he’d harmed her when she was younger.

Another girl in the same class didn’t have a good mom, but her relationship with her father was rock solid. This girl still had self-assurance issues, but she was more confident and didn’t need attention like the other.

What Your Daughter Needs

There are several things that daughters need from fathers. Often these are things that their dads do automatically.

Unconditional Love

Daughters from the time they’re born need your love–unconditionally. That means they know that no matter what they do, you’ll be there for them, accepting and loving them.

Is it easy? No. There will be times, especially in their teen years when they’ll not be very lovable. They’ll say things: “You hate me!” “That’s not fair!”

Stand your ground. Show them by your actions that they are still loved.

Time

Time is one of the most precious gifts ever. We only have 24 hours in any given day, and it goes away so quickly. Just think how long ago your daughter was a baby and now she’s in elementary school.

In our world of constant activity, it’s more difficult than ever to spend time with your daughter, but it’s most important. This isn’t time where you’re both staring at your phones. This is real time, learning to understand her and what she likes. It may involve a phone, but have it be hers and she’s showing you things on it.

Listening Ear

Listening is difficult. Well, active listening.

This isn’t the type where you nod and smile while thinking about what you’re going to say. It’s truly pausing and hearing what she’s saying.

Dates

In a world where there is no moral compass, and few examples of healthy relationships, your daughter needs you to step up and teach her. There’s no better way than by your actions.

If you want your daughter to know how a gentleman should treat her, then demonstrate it from early on. Take your daughter on dates. Set the example of the type of person you want her to be around later. She’ll pick up from those cues.

Date Ideas

• her favorite restaurant
• bookstore
• movie
• trip to the park
• sports outing
• garage sale shopping
• shopping
• whatever she likes to do

Dates can be simple, or elaborate. Make them special and have them regularly.

Love Her Mom

The best assurance you can give your children is that the two of you love each other. This is also another way of setting the bar high for that future partner that will come into your daughter’s life.

Dads play a major roll in the lives of their daughters. So many fathers are missing from modern books–including fantasy. This is very sad, but it also shows the trend in real life. Will you step up and change a generation? Will you provide an example of love to your daughter?

So how do you enjoy the holiday season while grieving? I’m walking through this year’s Christmas season reading my own notes and reminding myself how to do this. I did the count, and as of Friday, December 9^th, I’ve had to say good-bye to 16 people since February, 2020! Some were close acquaintances, some long-time friends, and others family. That’s a lot of grief! I hope that what I’ve learned will help you.

Remove the mask that everything is fine

Often, we run around purchasing gifts, attending the parties, and we play into the lie that all’s well when it isn’t. Take off the mask. Okay, be a bit choosy about who you’ll share with, but don’t always answer, “Fine” when it’s not.

I’ve taken to saying, “I’m here,” or “Yeah,” which doesn’t really answer how are you. With other closer friends, I shake my head and say, “Not well.” It’s been freeing, and I’ve received a lot of hugs.

It’s okay not to be okay

After removing the mask, now you have people looking at you like you’re raining on their parade. Here on the Southern Oregon Coast, we have a Christmas light parade the second weekend in December. This is the Oregon Coast where instead of snow we get wind and rain! There’s a reason I created a character who was afraid of the wind. Yet, we have a parade in the middle of winter when it’s more likely than not to have rain.

So, acknowledge it’s okay not to be okay. Earlier this month, during a student meeting, I had a student admit she was struggling with suicide and self-harm. At the time, my youngest had just moved out to his first apartment on his own, and I’d been shocked with the death of two friends and an acquaintance, and was trying to deal with my dad’s health issues. After the meeting, I gave the student a hug and told her that it’s okay not to be okay. Together we cried.

It’s amazing the freedom this gives you.

Recognize the big ball and the button

This concept was given to me by a parent. She said that grief is like a ball in a box inside you. Inside the box is a button. When the loss is brand-new, the ball is huge. It doesn’t take much to jostle it around and bump the button. When it hits the button, it hurts like crazy! As time progresses and you deal with your grief, the ball shrinks. It still bumps against the button with painful results, but not as frequently.

What I’ve learned is that the ball of grief can fluctuate in size as more losses build. For instance, as I’ve dealt with the grief from 2021, I thought I was fine, but then in November, I experienced another three losses and a fourth in December. The ball just got bigger again.

Understanding this concept helps you to give yourself grace. Accepting that you may cry, and it’s okay to.

Cherish the memories

As you walk through this time, cherish the memories you made. Christmas often is bittersweet for me because my grandpa would sing “Oh, Holy Night” every year. He’s not been here for the past 22 years to sing it. Each year, at some point in time, I’ll cry when I hear the song.

Memories are what keep the person alive. What better time than Christmas and the holiday season to remember your loved one and the special memories you made with them.

Find a friend

The best way to go through this is with someone who understands. It may only be one person that you talk with each day, or it may be multiple people that you connect with through different places. For instance, one person at work, one at home, and maybe another at church.

Grief is a process

As you deal with the ball in the box, realize that it’s a process. Not everyone will go through it the same. My husband has only cried a few times since his dad passed away in June, where I’ve cried multiple times. Instead, my husband thinks he’s dealing with the grief with physical symptoms.

You’ll go through cycles, and not every cycle will make sense. That’s okay. Adjust to the new normal on a day-to-day basis.

Make new traditions

Lastly, try to find new traditions for this time of the year. Things that you can do with family or on your own. I’m considering gingerbread designs. I’m not sure if it’ll work or if I’ll have the energy for it, but the more the idea persists, the more I’m encouraged to try it.

What’s a tradition you can create? There are all kinds of special recipes out there. Maybe ornament making would be up your aisle. My mom would create an ornament to commemorate the year. Maybe it’d be watching a special movie. Whatever you decide, make it yours.

As you walk through this holiday season, may you be able to be real and true. May you feel comfort and be able to heal.